I have a draft of a blog about high school reunions. It is 1/2 written down and partially still rolling around in my head a bit... I promise I'll get it out there after I've thought about it some more. I know you are all on the edge of your seats now.
How was your weekend? Man, was it hot out here! I could not even bring myself to walk up to the pool to jump in. I was happy to just sit in my air conditioned house all day. Rob took B to the pool and said that the water was gross from so many people... good thing I stayed away. To all of my friends being battered by rain and thunderstorms, I feel for you and hope that things dry out soon. I do miss those days when a storm would roll through, sitting on my mom's porch on Jefferson Street, feeling the heat lift for just a minute or two. I used to love to watch the lightening flash and watch the water run down the street. I miss that porch and that porch swing.
Interesting interaction with the manager at Barnes & Noble last night. First, I qualify my statements by saying that I have worked in retail. I know how customers can get and I have had to deal with belligerent and obnoxious clients before. I also have dealt with intelligent people (both in retail and in other venues of life) and I try to acknowledge their intellect and not treat them like morons. Apparently, the manager at B&N did not get that similar lesson. Let me start by saying that we spent quite a bit of money on this little trip to the book store. We carried two bags of books (and a Hello Kitty book light) out of the store. Let me add to this story another qualifier. We are not "rich" although we do enjoy the ability to go to the bookstore and buy books from time to time. So as you read on, understand that while "yes, it was only $10," it was still $10, which might buy us several gallons of milk, or loaves of bread, or a few gallons of gas. (o.k., stop laughing, it would buy a drop or two of gas.)
In any event, when the total came up, I was a bit surprised that it had added up so quickly. I checked with the clerk to make sure that all of the "deals" had been applied. She confirmed that they had and we walked out. After buckling the kids into the car, I pulled the receipt out, curious about how it had added up so quickly. As I scanned the receipt (and as Rob drove out of the parking lot), I noticed that the clerk had not applied all of the "deals" correctly. In fact, we had been charged full price for a book that we were supposed to get 1/2 off. As I quickly did the math in my head, I realized that it was a $7 or $8 difference in my favor. I made Rob turn around and we went back. I entered the store with the 3 books in question and approached a clerk. (The one who had initially rang us up was no longer standing there.) I explained the problem to the clerk. Of the 3 books in my hand, one had a 30% off sticker (40% for members, which we are). The other two both had stickers which read "buy 1, get 1 half off.") When we were originally rung up, the first "buy one get one" book rang up at regular price ($30) and the book with the 30% off sticker rang up as 1/2 off. The other book (which was supposed to be 1/2 off) rang up at full price. I explained this to her calmly and she read the receipt. She then called the manager and tried to explain it to him. His response (which she explained to me), was that it all "came out in the wash" - so to speak. Those were not his words, but the gist of his response was that even if I could not read the receipt correctly, all discounts were applied and I got the deals.
WRONG. Despite his assertions to the contrary, I can read a register receipt and I could very easily tell that I was charged incorrectly. I calmly explained to the clerk why the manager was wrong and she said that she was just going to have him come up. She called him back and said that the customer still had questions. I jokingly said that "the customer is being difficult." She responded to me (after she hung up the phone) that I was not being difficult, but I could tell that she thought I was. When the manager came up to the front, he again tried to explain to me that all of the deals had been applied and I explained to him that he was wrong. 3 books, for which I should have received 1 at full price, 1 at 1/2 price and 1 for 40% off. According to the receipt, I paid full price for 2 and received 1 at 1/2 price. When I said that I wanted to then return the 3 books and then purchase them separately, he hesitated, saying that he did not want his clerk to go through the trouble, to then have it all equal the same. Confident in my math skills (those old-timey skills where you learned to calculate 40% of something in your head and then add it to 50% of something and then subtract that total from another number,) I stood by and watched as the clerk struggled to wrap her head about things. I was worried that there would be a hiccup as she struggled to even return the 3 books at the same time (the manager was standing there trying to "help" her and I worried that even he might not understand.) Finally, the return was completed and $71 was put back on my card. She then rang up the discounted book, for which I was charged $18. Then, finally, she rang up the 2 books that were part of the "deal", for which I was charged $44. Now, those of you out there with old-timey math skills have probably already figured out that 71- (18+44) = 9. In my favor. There was random amounts of change involved, but I won't confuse the issue with that.
Even as the clerk was finishing things up, I could tell (with my old-timey math skills), that I was coming out ahead. I could also see the wheels turning in the manager's head as he tried to figure out if he was right and if it all added up to the same amount. I'm sure that as soon as I walked out, he grabbed a calculator and did the math. Yes, at the end of the day, it was only $9, and it took 15 minutes to get through the explanations and returns before I got credited my $9. But I got my $9. To the manager of the Barnes & Noble, I will say that you really should learn to listen to your customers, particularly those who try to calmly and rationally explain things. I would also urge you not to rely too heavily on your computers, because they are, after all, just machines, and machines can sometimes get it wrong.
Moving on. I posted a status on Facebook a little early, about a sad thing that I saw at lunch today. I had to wait to turn into a parking spot, because a guy had his car door open. 2 kids were crawling out of the back seat. I noticed as they walked up to the sidewalk that they both had headphones on. I parked and ended up following them into Subway. The daughter sat down with a bag of McDonalds, plugged into her mini iPad, headphones on. The son, also plugged in, sat down and waited for dad, who was in line in front of me. We won't discuss the son's name ("Heston") and whether or not that is an unfortunate name, but I did notice that the kids could barely disconnect long enough for dad to get their food orders from them. I did not stick around to see whether or not the kids disconnected once dad sat down with the food, but I have to hope that the electronics were put away. Really, can we not even disconnect the kids long enough to eat? I will admit that when we are out for lunch or dinner with the girls, it is sometimes easy to hand them the iPod or phone so that they can play a few games. It keeps them quiet and allows Rob and I to talk. But when the food comes, the toys get put away and we focus on eating. I will also say that before the phones and iPods come out, we try to engage the girls and get them to tell us about their day or talk about other things. We try. Unfortunately, I think there are too many who do not even make that effort. I have to hope that the dad I saw at Subway had them put their headphones down when the food came out. I have to hope.
And lastly... it struck me the other day, as I was buying something just for myself, that it is not necessarily a bad thing, despite some residual guilt that I sometimes feel. I did not have a lot of the "finer" things in life growing up. I did not have the Barbie Dreamhouse or Corvette, despite making requests to Santa for several years for those things. Clothes were sometimes hand-me-downs and shoes were worn through before being tossed. When I started college and got jobs to help pay rent, I would sometimes buy a CD (or cassette tape) and sometimes splurged on t-shirts that I did not really "need." For the most part, I lived from paycheck to paycheck. Over the past 8 years, I have spent most of my disposable "income" on B and more recently, on K. Even when I buy something for myself, I sometimes wonder if the money is not better spent on the girls. In the midst of one of those moments, I decided that it was OK for me to spend my money on me. I forgave myself for being selfish and choosing to buy that dress (or shirt or scrapbook paper or whatever) instead of buying something for the girls, or for saving my money. I decided that I want my girls to understand that it is good to take care of themselves and that they can still enjoy things while sharing with their family and not deprive themselves in the process. At the same time, I want them to understand that it is my money (or daddy's money) and that because we work to earn it, we do not have to justify how we spend it to our children and we can spend it as we see fit. Of course, if we decided to blow it all on a trip to Paris and leave them without food or toilet paper, I could see where they might take issue with our spending. In the meantime, I think we are doing o.k.
And finally - where did the summer go? K had her first day of summer camp today and all I could think about was how summer has gotten away from us. When I was in school, we would finish up in early June, three long months spread out before us with nothing to do but while away the days. B has just finished up 2 weeks of summer camp and suddenly, there are only 6 weeks left. It is July and we can suddenly see the end of summer looming, just a month and a half away. On one hand, I have things I am looking forward to in the Fall, but on the other hand, the calendar is flying by so quickly that I want it to slow down so that it will last just a bit longer. (Then again, after a weekend of hanging out with the girls in the heat, maybe a new school year is not such a bad thing.) ;)
I hope that you all have a safe and Happy Fourth of July and holiday weekend.
Disneyland Family 5K -2014
Monday, July 1, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Day 30 - Fitness Challenge - Ugh
Some of you may remember my foray into the "30 day fitness challenge" that included a Protein Shake for breakfast, one for lunch and a "sensible" or "healthy" dinner. The extreme version of the challenge called for eating vegan, completely cutting out animal products and proteins. I couldn't go that far, so I continued to eat meat and cheese and eggs, but in more limited quantities. I gave up soda "cold turkey" for the first 15 days, and during the same time, I had 1 small piece of bread (and no sandwiches.)
The results? Nothing. No movement on the scale, no massive sliding of the pounds from my body. Nada.
At the same time, my Sunday basketball league started back up and I was asked to join a Tuesday night volleyball league. So it is not like I have been sitting at home on the couch, waiting for the weight to find somewhere else to sit. I have even kicked up the running a notch, as I train for the 1/2 marathon at the end of August.
Fast forward 30 days. Depending on what I consider my "starting weight" to be, I have either lost 4 pounds or 8 pounds. I think I'll go with the 8. I haven't done my measurements yet, I'll do that tomorrow morning. But I am still not entirely happy with the results. Yes, my clothes do seem to fit just a bit better, but not as well as I'd like. Yes, I do seem to have a bit more energy, but after 2 long days this week, by Wednesday I needed a nap. Yes, I find myself being able to run a little farther, a little faster, but that is because of training and not because of any significant weight loss.
As I look back on these 30 days (which seemed to have just flashed by), I think that maybe my eating habits weren't all that bad to begin with. (I'm curious to see what the doctor says in a few weeks at my annual physical - I'm wondering where those cholesterol numbers are after this 30 days.) I mentioned it before, I went cold turkey off of the soda. Most weeks, I would have at least 1 Pepsi a day, although some days were filled with water and iced tea. Despite quitting with no warning, my body didn't seem to miss it. I did not really have any withdrawal symptoms and did not really feel sick. Same thing with bread. Most days, I'll have a sandwich for lunch, or a piece of bread with dinner. Yet after cutting it out, I did not notice any significant cravings or feelings of withdrawal. What does that tell you? Some women who are doing this challenge are talking about the massive weight that they are losing and about the withdrawal symptoms they are experiencing and the headaches and the feeling sick. I don't know how much weight they had to lose or how bad their eating habits were, but maybe my problem is perspective.
I certainly won't be in any hurry to start eating sandwiches on a regular basis again. But I did start to work a Pepsi back into my diet here and there, around day 20. I did not see the weight come back on and I continue to play hoops and volleyball and go running (shin splints aside.) I am still trying to get rid of the "muffin top" (to the extent I see one) and I still have jeans in my closet that I would love to fit back into. So those are my goals.
A friend (who has recently sculpted her body with the help of a trainer) and I were talking. My response to her comment of "you should work out with my guy" was that "I don't have time!" She said that his response to adults saying that they don't have time to work out is like kids saying "the dog ate my homework."
I'm not sure I agree with that 100%, especially as I consider the 3 silent auction baskets that I need to put together by Sunday, the baby "burpies" that I was asked to make that need to be done by the 20th, the travel scrap project that I need to have done in the next 2 weeks, the classroom yearbooks for B's class that need to be finished by next Wednesday, the wedding things I am working on for a friend, Father's Day gifts to shop for, a full time job, and 2 kids to get to school and gymnastics and everything else. Oh yeah, I suppose I should sleep and eat in there somewhere too, right? So.... we'll see.
The results? Nothing. No movement on the scale, no massive sliding of the pounds from my body. Nada.
At the same time, my Sunday basketball league started back up and I was asked to join a Tuesday night volleyball league. So it is not like I have been sitting at home on the couch, waiting for the weight to find somewhere else to sit. I have even kicked up the running a notch, as I train for the 1/2 marathon at the end of August.
Fast forward 30 days. Depending on what I consider my "starting weight" to be, I have either lost 4 pounds or 8 pounds. I think I'll go with the 8. I haven't done my measurements yet, I'll do that tomorrow morning. But I am still not entirely happy with the results. Yes, my clothes do seem to fit just a bit better, but not as well as I'd like. Yes, I do seem to have a bit more energy, but after 2 long days this week, by Wednesday I needed a nap. Yes, I find myself being able to run a little farther, a little faster, but that is because of training and not because of any significant weight loss.
As I look back on these 30 days (which seemed to have just flashed by), I think that maybe my eating habits weren't all that bad to begin with. (I'm curious to see what the doctor says in a few weeks at my annual physical - I'm wondering where those cholesterol numbers are after this 30 days.) I mentioned it before, I went cold turkey off of the soda. Most weeks, I would have at least 1 Pepsi a day, although some days were filled with water and iced tea. Despite quitting with no warning, my body didn't seem to miss it. I did not really have any withdrawal symptoms and did not really feel sick. Same thing with bread. Most days, I'll have a sandwich for lunch, or a piece of bread with dinner. Yet after cutting it out, I did not notice any significant cravings or feelings of withdrawal. What does that tell you? Some women who are doing this challenge are talking about the massive weight that they are losing and about the withdrawal symptoms they are experiencing and the headaches and the feeling sick. I don't know how much weight they had to lose or how bad their eating habits were, but maybe my problem is perspective.
I certainly won't be in any hurry to start eating sandwiches on a regular basis again. But I did start to work a Pepsi back into my diet here and there, around day 20. I did not see the weight come back on and I continue to play hoops and volleyball and go running (shin splints aside.) I am still trying to get rid of the "muffin top" (to the extent I see one) and I still have jeans in my closet that I would love to fit back into. So those are my goals.
A friend (who has recently sculpted her body with the help of a trainer) and I were talking. My response to her comment of "you should work out with my guy" was that "I don't have time!" She said that his response to adults saying that they don't have time to work out is like kids saying "the dog ate my homework."
I'm not sure I agree with that 100%, especially as I consider the 3 silent auction baskets that I need to put together by Sunday, the baby "burpies" that I was asked to make that need to be done by the 20th, the travel scrap project that I need to have done in the next 2 weeks, the classroom yearbooks for B's class that need to be finished by next Wednesday, the wedding things I am working on for a friend, Father's Day gifts to shop for, a full time job, and 2 kids to get to school and gymnastics and everything else. Oh yeah, I suppose I should sleep and eat in there somewhere too, right? So.... we'll see.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
"Fitness Challenge" - Day 8
My faithful readers will remember a recent post where I mentioned that I was trying out a "fitness challenge." I prefer not to call it a "diet," because in some ways, it is a change in the way I approach food. I have a protein shake for breakfast and a second one either at lunch or at dinner. The non-shake meal is as close to vegan as I want to make it, but high in protein. I cannot really bring myself to give up the meat, so I try for leaner cuts or go with chicken. I also cannot really give up cheese or eggs (or other "animal products") but I have cut back on what I eat of those. This goes for 30 days. I am on Day 8.
It has been 8 days since I have had a soda. I am not really missing it and I thought I would have massive withdrawal headaches, but I have not. I have only had unsweetened iced tea (the only way I drink it anyway), twice and otherwise have drank water. A LOT of water.
Before some of you get upset and tell me that it sounds like a "diet" or even worse, a "fad diet," I will tell you that I am also working on the "fitness" part of it. I have been playing basketball in a league each week for about a year. Although I've been off for a few weeks, I am still playing. I just started playing in a volleyball league on Tuesday nights. (By the way, it is never the day after that hurts, it is 2 days after.) I have also been trying to get back into running. (I keep saying that I need to train for this 1/2 marathon in August that I signed up for and the calendar keeps ticking off days and weeks without me getting much training in. I'm starting to feel a little crazy about it!)
But I digress. So, this new way of eating and looking at food. I honestly am not feeling much different and I don't think that my eating style had to drastically change to fit the program. Most mornings, I would either not eat breakfast at all, or I would have a plain biscuit from McDonald's with a large (unsweetened) iced tea. If not that, then water and a granola bar. I think the protein shakes are better for me, keep me full longer, and don't have as many calories as the biscuit. Lunches usually involved a sandwich of some kind and soda, so I know my calories have been cut way back for that meal. I'm not really missing the bread, but I am running out of ideas for the days I have a meal at lunch rather than a shake. I had a tiny piece of bread on Sunday with dinner (steak and potato and salad) and I had a few tortilla chips with lunch on Tuesday. Otherwise, not really much carbs, other than what comes in fruit. (Although I did have gluten free pasta salad last night.)
With all of this, what could be the problem? Well, I am not seeing the weight start to move yet. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale on Day 1, it was not as high as I had thought it would be. But it hasn't moved much since. It went down a 1/2 pound, but then back up a pound and I haven't checked since it did that. I did not want to be depressed.
A few years ago, I did weight watchers and figured out the hard way that I had to eat all of my daily points, plus a few of the weekly "extra" points in order for the weight to start to come off. My body just needed that much or it went into survival mode, trying to pack on everything I put in. I am wondering if the same thing isn't happening now. I switched breakfast and lunch and completely dropped out the soda and almost completely dropped out the bread - so does my body think I'm starving it and is trying to save what I eat for dinner? I may have to work with things a bit to see if more snacking during the day helps keep things moving.
At the grocery store last night, I loaded up on cucumbers, celery and carrots, all to the chorus of "yuck" and "ewww" from my girls. (Except for the carrots, they love carrots.) I try to include a vegetable with each meal and make them eat just a bit (at least) before giving in. I am hoping that by having those veggies available (I still need to cut them up and get them ready,) I will be more likely to grab those than anything else if I get a hungry moment. (Of course, that means I have to actually cut them up and prepare them.) I also have a fridge full of zucchini from my last farm-fresh delivery.... anyone got any good recipes?
In any event, week 2 of the challenge has started. We will see how it goes. I guess I will have to step on the scale tomorrow to see what is what. The results that other women are posting look great and make it sound like it works. (Some women are posting that they have lost between 7 and 10 pounds in 30 days and some feel so great after the 30 days that they keep going.) Very inspirational to hear, but of course I have to work with things to see how my body reacts. And of course, everyone's results vary. I will let you all know when any big drops happen. Til then... happy eating.
It has been 8 days since I have had a soda. I am not really missing it and I thought I would have massive withdrawal headaches, but I have not. I have only had unsweetened iced tea (the only way I drink it anyway), twice and otherwise have drank water. A LOT of water.
Before some of you get upset and tell me that it sounds like a "diet" or even worse, a "fad diet," I will tell you that I am also working on the "fitness" part of it. I have been playing basketball in a league each week for about a year. Although I've been off for a few weeks, I am still playing. I just started playing in a volleyball league on Tuesday nights. (By the way, it is never the day after that hurts, it is 2 days after.) I have also been trying to get back into running. (I keep saying that I need to train for this 1/2 marathon in August that I signed up for and the calendar keeps ticking off days and weeks without me getting much training in. I'm starting to feel a little crazy about it!)
But I digress. So, this new way of eating and looking at food. I honestly am not feeling much different and I don't think that my eating style had to drastically change to fit the program. Most mornings, I would either not eat breakfast at all, or I would have a plain biscuit from McDonald's with a large (unsweetened) iced tea. If not that, then water and a granola bar. I think the protein shakes are better for me, keep me full longer, and don't have as many calories as the biscuit. Lunches usually involved a sandwich of some kind and soda, so I know my calories have been cut way back for that meal. I'm not really missing the bread, but I am running out of ideas for the days I have a meal at lunch rather than a shake. I had a tiny piece of bread on Sunday with dinner (steak and potato and salad) and I had a few tortilla chips with lunch on Tuesday. Otherwise, not really much carbs, other than what comes in fruit. (Although I did have gluten free pasta salad last night.)
With all of this, what could be the problem? Well, I am not seeing the weight start to move yet. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale on Day 1, it was not as high as I had thought it would be. But it hasn't moved much since. It went down a 1/2 pound, but then back up a pound and I haven't checked since it did that. I did not want to be depressed.
A few years ago, I did weight watchers and figured out the hard way that I had to eat all of my daily points, plus a few of the weekly "extra" points in order for the weight to start to come off. My body just needed that much or it went into survival mode, trying to pack on everything I put in. I am wondering if the same thing isn't happening now. I switched breakfast and lunch and completely dropped out the soda and almost completely dropped out the bread - so does my body think I'm starving it and is trying to save what I eat for dinner? I may have to work with things a bit to see if more snacking during the day helps keep things moving.
At the grocery store last night, I loaded up on cucumbers, celery and carrots, all to the chorus of "yuck" and "ewww" from my girls. (Except for the carrots, they love carrots.) I try to include a vegetable with each meal and make them eat just a bit (at least) before giving in. I am hoping that by having those veggies available (I still need to cut them up and get them ready,) I will be more likely to grab those than anything else if I get a hungry moment. (Of course, that means I have to actually cut them up and prepare them.) I also have a fridge full of zucchini from my last farm-fresh delivery.... anyone got any good recipes?
In any event, week 2 of the challenge has started. We will see how it goes. I guess I will have to step on the scale tomorrow to see what is what. The results that other women are posting look great and make it sound like it works. (Some women are posting that they have lost between 7 and 10 pounds in 30 days and some feel so great after the 30 days that they keep going.) Very inspirational to hear, but of course I have to work with things to see how my body reacts. And of course, everyone's results vary. I will let you all know when any big drops happen. Til then... happy eating.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Fitness, Television and Kissing - Today's Mental Meanderings
GETTING IN SHAPE - I started a new fitness program today. A friend's posts about success on her FB page intrigued me, so I decided to give it a try. I've noticed over the past few weeks that the little "muffin top" has gotten a bit bigger and the jeans don't fit quite as well as they did a few months ago. I work out sometimes, I play basketball once a week (or every two weeks) and I started running to train for a 1/2 marathon in August. But I felt like I needed a kick start. So, here we are, Day 1. I'll let you know how it goes.
I took "before" pictures last night and let me just say "UGH!" Of course, no one likes their own mirror, but man - those photos are NOT flattering. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale for my starting weight though. I had expected something about 5 pounds heavier, so maybe it wasn't quite as bad as I thought? The program is a protein shake for breakfast, one for lunch and then a healthy dinner for 30 days. The plan calls for you to go as vegan as possible, with no animal proteins or products and dairy and gluten free as well, but I'm not sure I can quite go that far. I like cheese too much, and even eggs or a steak once in awhile. Others that have done the program and posted information (including my friend) have mentioned that they have not followed it strictly, but have still enjoyed good results. I'm just looking to lose the "muffin top" and get back into my "skinny" jeans. (Not that I really have skinny jeans, but isn't that what everyone says?) The last time I took action like this was when B was 18 months old. I decided that I was tired of carrying around the extra "baby weight" and joined Weight Watchers. I lost almost 20 pounds and kept it off until I had K. Now I'm done carrying around her extra "baby weight." Ha. I'll keep you posted (pun intended) on my progress.
TELEVISION - I'm finally catching up on some of the shows - finally having more than a few minutes each night to veg on the couch. Last night I caught up on the Voice (although I'm still almost 2 weeks behind) and let me just say.... WOULD THE COACHES PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE "RASP" IN SOMEONE'S VOICE? When did that become a "thing"? It's almost as bad as Christina starting all of her comments and sentences with the words "I mean." GRRRRR. Come up with a new word! Moving on... SMASH - still so bummed that it will be going away. Really, such a great concept - why can't the network get on board? When I finished watching the show from 2 weeks ago, I almost felt sorry for Jimmy. He frustrates and annoys me most of the time, but at the end of that show, I realized that he was winning me over. Why? Maybe I continue to have an affinity for the "bad guys," the ones that you know will hurt you but you want them anyway. I find Derek's character to be laughable. Honestly, a guy who has been in the business as long as he supposedly has, suddenly having a gut check moment when it comes to women? And wandering around like a lost little boy, unable to decide who to chase after first. I don't buy it. And while we're at it, let's discuss Karen's seeming inability to make a decision and stick with it. She wants Jimmy, then she doesn't, then she wants Derek and then she doesn't, because she realizes she still wants Jimmy. Um.... have we forgotten that she had a fiance just last season? Yes, he was a bit of a jerk and yes, he cheated on her, but did she turn off her feelings for him that quick? (Aside from the fact that he simply disappeared from the show, of course.) Back to Jimmy - I watched last week's show and was back to not being sure about him. He annoyed me again, but I still found myself rooting for him just a bit. Strangely, at some points in the show, he looked good and at others, I was unable to look at him - something just seemed "off" about his face. Strange yes, but this is me we're talking about. Just a few more weeks until we officially say goodbye to this show. I hope a cable channel picks it up, or they find another way to keep it alive. Then again, depending on how they end the season, one has to wonder where the story would go.
And finally, KISSING... I wrote a long time ago about the confusion that I sometimes encounter with people, and the struggle over kissing versus hugging. Friends I have known for ages, of course I can hug when I say hello. People I know through business or wives of people I know... not so easy a question. This morning, it occurred to me that I sometimes have the same struggle about kissing, and with family. My family was never very affectionate. I don't remember seeing my dad kiss my mom very much at all and we certainly did not get a lot of hugs and kisses from our parents (that I recall.) Hugs from Grandma, of course, but not much beyond that, as far as I can remember. So as I was dropping B off at school today, she wanted a kiss (which she always does, and which is fine) and she kissed me on the lips. I felt that moment's twinge of a question - is this ok? Should kids be kissing their parents on the lips? I suppose that is because somewhere, buried deep within, there might be a Puritan trying to get out. I thought I had squashed her completely when I moved to California, voted Democrat and took up pole dancing classes for exercise, but maybe she's still in there somewhere. But she raises an interesting question - what is o.k. affection between parents and children? Obviously, there are lines to be drawn. But this is one of those grey areas that I have to wonder about.... and how does that spill over to relationships with brothers and sisters, and even in-laws? B loves to give K kisses, but at some point as they get older, will it be wrong for them to kiss on the lips (closed mouth, of course.) And both girls give Nana and Papa kisses all the time - again, on the lips. So I wonder.
Like I said, much of my issues likely stem from my own family's "reserved" nature when it comes to displays of affection. So I suppose that I will just continue to give (and receive) kisses, because you know that at some point, they won't want them anymore.... I should probably just take what I can get while they are young and still willing to be seen in public standing next to me, right? Don't even get me started on having to hold Mommy's hand in the parking lots!
I took "before" pictures last night and let me just say "UGH!" Of course, no one likes their own mirror, but man - those photos are NOT flattering. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale for my starting weight though. I had expected something about 5 pounds heavier, so maybe it wasn't quite as bad as I thought? The program is a protein shake for breakfast, one for lunch and then a healthy dinner for 30 days. The plan calls for you to go as vegan as possible, with no animal proteins or products and dairy and gluten free as well, but I'm not sure I can quite go that far. I like cheese too much, and even eggs or a steak once in awhile. Others that have done the program and posted information (including my friend) have mentioned that they have not followed it strictly, but have still enjoyed good results. I'm just looking to lose the "muffin top" and get back into my "skinny" jeans. (Not that I really have skinny jeans, but isn't that what everyone says?) The last time I took action like this was when B was 18 months old. I decided that I was tired of carrying around the extra "baby weight" and joined Weight Watchers. I lost almost 20 pounds and kept it off until I had K. Now I'm done carrying around her extra "baby weight." Ha. I'll keep you posted (pun intended) on my progress.
TELEVISION - I'm finally catching up on some of the shows - finally having more than a few minutes each night to veg on the couch. Last night I caught up on the Voice (although I'm still almost 2 weeks behind) and let me just say.... WOULD THE COACHES PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE "RASP" IN SOMEONE'S VOICE? When did that become a "thing"? It's almost as bad as Christina starting all of her comments and sentences with the words "I mean." GRRRRR. Come up with a new word! Moving on... SMASH - still so bummed that it will be going away. Really, such a great concept - why can't the network get on board? When I finished watching the show from 2 weeks ago, I almost felt sorry for Jimmy. He frustrates and annoys me most of the time, but at the end of that show, I realized that he was winning me over. Why? Maybe I continue to have an affinity for the "bad guys," the ones that you know will hurt you but you want them anyway. I find Derek's character to be laughable. Honestly, a guy who has been in the business as long as he supposedly has, suddenly having a gut check moment when it comes to women? And wandering around like a lost little boy, unable to decide who to chase after first. I don't buy it. And while we're at it, let's discuss Karen's seeming inability to make a decision and stick with it. She wants Jimmy, then she doesn't, then she wants Derek and then she doesn't, because she realizes she still wants Jimmy. Um.... have we forgotten that she had a fiance just last season? Yes, he was a bit of a jerk and yes, he cheated on her, but did she turn off her feelings for him that quick? (Aside from the fact that he simply disappeared from the show, of course.) Back to Jimmy - I watched last week's show and was back to not being sure about him. He annoyed me again, but I still found myself rooting for him just a bit. Strangely, at some points in the show, he looked good and at others, I was unable to look at him - something just seemed "off" about his face. Strange yes, but this is me we're talking about. Just a few more weeks until we officially say goodbye to this show. I hope a cable channel picks it up, or they find another way to keep it alive. Then again, depending on how they end the season, one has to wonder where the story would go.
And finally, KISSING... I wrote a long time ago about the confusion that I sometimes encounter with people, and the struggle over kissing versus hugging. Friends I have known for ages, of course I can hug when I say hello. People I know through business or wives of people I know... not so easy a question. This morning, it occurred to me that I sometimes have the same struggle about kissing, and with family. My family was never very affectionate. I don't remember seeing my dad kiss my mom very much at all and we certainly did not get a lot of hugs and kisses from our parents (that I recall.) Hugs from Grandma, of course, but not much beyond that, as far as I can remember. So as I was dropping B off at school today, she wanted a kiss (which she always does, and which is fine) and she kissed me on the lips. I felt that moment's twinge of a question - is this ok? Should kids be kissing their parents on the lips? I suppose that is because somewhere, buried deep within, there might be a Puritan trying to get out. I thought I had squashed her completely when I moved to California, voted Democrat and took up pole dancing classes for exercise, but maybe she's still in there somewhere. But she raises an interesting question - what is o.k. affection between parents and children? Obviously, there are lines to be drawn. But this is one of those grey areas that I have to wonder about.... and how does that spill over to relationships with brothers and sisters, and even in-laws? B loves to give K kisses, but at some point as they get older, will it be wrong for them to kiss on the lips (closed mouth, of course.) And both girls give Nana and Papa kisses all the time - again, on the lips. So I wonder.
Like I said, much of my issues likely stem from my own family's "reserved" nature when it comes to displays of affection. So I suppose that I will just continue to give (and receive) kisses, because you know that at some point, they won't want them anymore.... I should probably just take what I can get while they are young and still willing to be seen in public standing next to me, right? Don't even get me started on having to hold Mommy's hand in the parking lots!
Monday, May 6, 2013
"Why, Mommy?"
We have once again entered the "why" portion of child rearing. As we move from the "terrible 2s" into the "I-hope-they-are-not-as-terrible-3s," K has discovered the word "why?" I am not even sure when she figured it out, but it was almost like someone flipped a switch.
A conservation with her last week in the car on the way to school:
Me: "Christine and Amy are sisters." (Referring to our former nanny and her sister, our sometimes babysitters.)
K: "Why?"
Me: "Because their mommy had two little girls."
K: "Why?"
Me: (After pausing a bit to consider my answer) "Because their Mommy wanted to have two little girls.
K: Giggle, followed by "no."
I love her giggle and the way she paused, then giggled and then said "no" made me laugh. She asks "why" about so many things, and not always things that make any sense to us, but I will assume make sense in her world. She often asks if Papa (Rob's dad) is at our house. When we say "no," she asks "why?" The response is usually something along the lines of his being at his house or with Nana, or at work (or wherever we think he might be at that time.) She usually follows up with another "why", at which point we usually try to change the subject.
The "why" question is an interesting one that can open so many doors or even Pandora's box, depending on the subject. Sometimes, we don't really want to know why, but we ask as a reflex. Sometimes, there is no answer why, but we ask anyway, hoping for more information to help process a situation. For a 2 or 3 year old, the question is often asked to gain more information about people or places, or even to establish boundaries. "Don't touch that hot stove." "WHY?" "Because it will burn you and hurt."
As adults, we still ask "why." Perhaps one of the more popular reasons to question why is when we are dumped. A relationship ends and we want to know what we did wrong, what we could have done different or better and ultimately, we want to know "WHY?" "Why did he leave me?" "Why wasn't I good enough?" For the most part, my dating history is littered with the carcases of men that I have left asking that very question. The often used response of "it's not you, it's me" is probably laying right there next to the carcases. At this point in time, the answers are not even important (or that readily remembered.) But the act of asking and the situation it creates is an interesting one. Do we even really expect an answer?
I will say that there is one (isn't there always?) that never answered my big "why" question - not even a throwaway answer. Just, nothing. It has been 15 years and I still sometimes wonder what happened. Perhaps in that instance, it was cruelty for him to not even offer the standard response. Perhaps the silence most deafening is the lack of a response. As I write this, I think of one other instance where the "why" was so important to me. It has been 6 years since that event, and although I got a response at the time, I sometimes wonder if the answer was sufficient.
Many times, it is that silence, that lack of an answer, that we experience more often as adults. Not necessarily because someone does not want to respond, but because there simply is no answer. In the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy, I read many articles and watched many interviews where people simply wanted to know why. Why they were spared when the person next to them was not. Why one friend walked away without a scratch and another friend will never walk again. Why Boston. Why now. Why us. For so many, a simple and yet difficult question that may never get answered.
It is human nature to want more information, particularly in situations that are troubling or highly emotional. Our minds seek to find something to ground us, something to cling to when emotions are out of control or when we simply cannot comprehend what is going on around us.
For the little ones, there is usually an answer. For us adults, we may have to work on accepting that sometimes there simply is not an answer, and possibly hope, if even just a little, that somewhere in the future, someone might have an answer for us. Until then, I will continue to respond to my daughter's curious "why" questions, even when she does it just to get a giggle, as much as I can.
A conservation with her last week in the car on the way to school:
Me: "Christine and Amy are sisters." (Referring to our former nanny and her sister, our sometimes babysitters.)
K: "Why?"
Me: "Because their mommy had two little girls."
K: "Why?"
Me: (After pausing a bit to consider my answer) "Because their Mommy wanted to have two little girls.
K: Giggle, followed by "no."
I love her giggle and the way she paused, then giggled and then said "no" made me laugh. She asks "why" about so many things, and not always things that make any sense to us, but I will assume make sense in her world. She often asks if Papa (Rob's dad) is at our house. When we say "no," she asks "why?" The response is usually something along the lines of his being at his house or with Nana, or at work (or wherever we think he might be at that time.) She usually follows up with another "why", at which point we usually try to change the subject.
The "why" question is an interesting one that can open so many doors or even Pandora's box, depending on the subject. Sometimes, we don't really want to know why, but we ask as a reflex. Sometimes, there is no answer why, but we ask anyway, hoping for more information to help process a situation. For a 2 or 3 year old, the question is often asked to gain more information about people or places, or even to establish boundaries. "Don't touch that hot stove." "WHY?" "Because it will burn you and hurt."
As adults, we still ask "why." Perhaps one of the more popular reasons to question why is when we are dumped. A relationship ends and we want to know what we did wrong, what we could have done different or better and ultimately, we want to know "WHY?" "Why did he leave me?" "Why wasn't I good enough?" For the most part, my dating history is littered with the carcases of men that I have left asking that very question. The often used response of "it's not you, it's me" is probably laying right there next to the carcases. At this point in time, the answers are not even important (or that readily remembered.) But the act of asking and the situation it creates is an interesting one. Do we even really expect an answer?
I will say that there is one (isn't there always?) that never answered my big "why" question - not even a throwaway answer. Just, nothing. It has been 15 years and I still sometimes wonder what happened. Perhaps in that instance, it was cruelty for him to not even offer the standard response. Perhaps the silence most deafening is the lack of a response. As I write this, I think of one other instance where the "why" was so important to me. It has been 6 years since that event, and although I got a response at the time, I sometimes wonder if the answer was sufficient.
Many times, it is that silence, that lack of an answer, that we experience more often as adults. Not necessarily because someone does not want to respond, but because there simply is no answer. In the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy, I read many articles and watched many interviews where people simply wanted to know why. Why they were spared when the person next to them was not. Why one friend walked away without a scratch and another friend will never walk again. Why Boston. Why now. Why us. For so many, a simple and yet difficult question that may never get answered.
It is human nature to want more information, particularly in situations that are troubling or highly emotional. Our minds seek to find something to ground us, something to cling to when emotions are out of control or when we simply cannot comprehend what is going on around us.
For the little ones, there is usually an answer. For us adults, we may have to work on accepting that sometimes there simply is not an answer, and possibly hope, if even just a little, that somewhere in the future, someone might have an answer for us. Until then, I will continue to respond to my daughter's curious "why" questions, even when she does it just to get a giggle, as much as I can.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
A Little Help, here please?
A very dear friend of mine from high school is trying to raise money to send her son on an amazing trip to Europe with a high school singing group, Sound of America Honor Band and Chorus. (He auditioned and was selected to join this elite group.) The cost of the trip is enormous and she has other financial strain related to personal medical issues. While she is struggling to raise the money for this trip, she is also struggling for personal health.
To raise money to send her son on this trip, she has done fundraisers at local restaurants and collected donations. She has enlisted the help of friends who are demonstrators or sell products such as Scentsy and Pampered Chef and others, to donate a portion of their profits. Friends and family are rallying to send this young man on this trip. If you've ever been to Europe, you know how amazing it can be and what an experience such a trip is. If you've ever been to Jefferson, Ohio or any other small town in the Midwest, you can imagine how out-of-reach this trip might seem for a young adult there. I'm doing what I can to help with her efforts and now I'm turning to my friends all over to help as well.
Here is my friend's recent post from her Facebook page about the status of her fundraising for his trip: "Ok, the bottom line with [his] trip... We have to raise 2700 more to cover just the trip. But we also have to have 500 for his required attire. Another couple hundred for travel insurance and the suggested amount to travel with because not all meals are paid for nor are any extra sight seeing or communication... Such as phone cards which is 1000. We are selling raffle tickets to win one of 4 large items, a beautiful watch from jr hoftsetter in Jefferson, a $100 gas card, a kindle, or iPod. These tickets are $10 a piece. The drawing is June 10. I need our friends and families help. I need 30 people to try and help sell 10. If you could sell 10, $10 dollar tickets. No matter where you live, it would help so much."
If you're thinking "so, what do you want from me?" here it is. I want your Starbucks money for the rest of the week. I want you to skip that ice cream or latte or extra-large popcorn at the movies this weekend. I want $10 from you. I want you to email me or facebook message me and tell me that you'd like to enter the raffle to win a Kindle or a iPod or a gas card (cause we all need that these days!) and then I want you to send me or give me (those who are close to me) that $10 or $20 for your tickets. I'll even sweeten the deal... if one of my friends or connections out there wins the Kindle, I'll toss in $25 in Amazon money to buy books for it, and if one of you wins the iPod, I'll throw in $25 in iTunes store credit. How does that sound?
Don't worry about logistics, I'll take care of getting your names on those tickets and of getting the prizes that you (hopefully) win to you. Just worry about getting your money to me and I'll get it to my friend. (I promise, this isn't a scam to get money to buy another pair of shoes. There isn't any room in my closet right now.)
Having grown up in Jefferson, where my friend and her son live, I know what it is like to wonder about the great big world out there. Having been lucky enough to go to some of the wonderful places in Europe, I really hope that he can go and want to do whatever I can to help. (Yes, I already bought some new Scentsy stuff. ;))
Please consider helping my friend and her son, and THANK YOU!!
If you are curious about the program that is taking the trip, you can check out their website at http://www.soundofamerica.org/ which has information about the trip, the stops that they are making and performances.
To raise money to send her son on this trip, she has done fundraisers at local restaurants and collected donations. She has enlisted the help of friends who are demonstrators or sell products such as Scentsy and Pampered Chef and others, to donate a portion of their profits. Friends and family are rallying to send this young man on this trip. If you've ever been to Europe, you know how amazing it can be and what an experience such a trip is. If you've ever been to Jefferson, Ohio or any other small town in the Midwest, you can imagine how out-of-reach this trip might seem for a young adult there. I'm doing what I can to help with her efforts and now I'm turning to my friends all over to help as well.
Here is my friend's recent post from her Facebook page about the status of her fundraising for his trip: "Ok, the bottom line with [his] trip... We have to raise 2700 more to cover just the trip. But we also have to have 500 for his required attire. Another couple hundred for travel insurance and the suggested amount to travel with because not all meals are paid for nor are any extra sight seeing or communication... Such as phone cards which is 1000. We are selling raffle tickets to win one of 4 large items, a beautiful watch from jr hoftsetter in Jefferson, a $100 gas card, a kindle, or iPod. These tickets are $10 a piece. The drawing is June 10. I need our friends and families help. I need 30 people to try and help sell 10. If you could sell 10, $10 dollar tickets. No matter where you live, it would help so much."
If you're thinking "so, what do you want from me?" here it is. I want your Starbucks money for the rest of the week. I want you to skip that ice cream or latte or extra-large popcorn at the movies this weekend. I want $10 from you. I want you to email me or facebook message me and tell me that you'd like to enter the raffle to win a Kindle or a iPod or a gas card (cause we all need that these days!) and then I want you to send me or give me (those who are close to me) that $10 or $20 for your tickets. I'll even sweeten the deal... if one of my friends or connections out there wins the Kindle, I'll toss in $25 in Amazon money to buy books for it, and if one of you wins the iPod, I'll throw in $25 in iTunes store credit. How does that sound?
Don't worry about logistics, I'll take care of getting your names on those tickets and of getting the prizes that you (hopefully) win to you. Just worry about getting your money to me and I'll get it to my friend. (I promise, this isn't a scam to get money to buy another pair of shoes. There isn't any room in my closet right now.)
Having grown up in Jefferson, where my friend and her son live, I know what it is like to wonder about the great big world out there. Having been lucky enough to go to some of the wonderful places in Europe, I really hope that he can go and want to do whatever I can to help. (Yes, I already bought some new Scentsy stuff. ;))
Please consider helping my friend and her son, and THANK YOU!!
If you are curious about the program that is taking the trip, you can check out their website at http://www.soundofamerica.org/ which has information about the trip, the stops that they are making and performances.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Gun Control, "Quit your crying before I give you something to cry about" and Kids.
Gun control was back in the news this morning. With the events in Boston, this hot topic had cooled off a bit, until the Senate failed to pass something-or-other related to gun control. The President called yesterday a "shameful day" in Washington. It caught my eye, briefly, when Good Morning America reported on it.
Those who know me well may know that I'm a Democrat, although I don't consider myself to be overly "liberal." I do have some interesting discussions with my "conservative" Republican husband, but for the most part, I remain outside of the political realm. I don't volunteer for candidates and I don't always vote party lines. I like to think of myself as a "common sense" voter. If it makes sense from a common sense perspective, I support it.
A man's right to legislate or control what I, as a woman, gets to do with my body? Doesn't make common sense. I don't support it. (Some may raise a religion-based argument against my position, but that is between me and my G-d and is nobody's business but my own.)
The government's right to tell us who can or cannot be married? Doesn't make common sense. I don't support it. We love who we love and just because it doesn't fit in someone else's definition of "love" does not mean that the government should get involved. (Some may raise a religion-based argument on this one as well, but who someone loves is between them and the person they are with and if there is any religion involved, that is between them and their G-d. Nobody else's business.)
Now.... the government's right to control gun ownership. This one, I'm not sure I can wrap my head around it. I understand the emotions behind the movement and I understand the concept, but I'm not sure that this path is the appropriate one. I will start by saying that I have not read the proposed legislation, so I cannot speak with any authority in that regard. But I do have some "life" experience to help with the common sense review of the issue. First, I do not believe that the Founding Fathers anticipated automatic weapons when they drafted the 2nd amendment. Second, I do believe that the 2nd amendment has been severely bastardized (on both sides of the aisle) to support people's views of gun ownership. Third, no matter how hard you try, you cannot legislate evil.
Someone posted something on Facebook last week which referred to prisons. Convicts do not own guns in prison and have no access to them. Yet you have to look no further than your television, to "gritty dramas" based on real life stories, to see prisoners fashioning shivs or other weapons out of tooth brushes or nail files or whatever else gets smuggled in (or brought in lawfully.) I repeat - you cannot legislate evil, and for those who are intent on causing mayhem or harming someone else, you will not be able to stop it with gun registration.
I think the NRA is a little over the top. I grew up with guns in and around the house. We lived on a farm where the nearest emergency services were at least 20 minutes away (assuming they did not hit a deer enroute.) My dad had a rifle or two which he used from time to time to chase away the latest pack of roving wild dogs, or whatever else was threatening to get too close to the house, and one uncle has told me stories about Dad standing in the back yard looking into the trees and shooting at birds (something left over from his time in Vietnam, that I will never truly understand), but largely, although we had guns around, I did not see much of them. There were handguns as well, but again, not within my reach or line of sight. I don't think that legislation such as that proposed these days, would have affected us all that much, but at the same time, I don't think that my Dad would have been overly supportive of the NRA, and I might even go so far as to say that my Dad is not someone that the NRA would be interested in having among its membership. (I could be wrong, it has happened before....maybe)
I've shot guns. I've been to several ranges and shot various hand guns and automatic rifles. Do I think that the average American citizen needs access to some of these weapons? No. Do I think that the average American citizen who does not have a criminal record, who has learned how to properly handle the weapon, has registered it, and wants it for protection should be denied access? No. Do I think that the gun control laws will prevent the "criminal element" from obtaining weapons in the event that they want to do harm to someone else? No.
The school shooting was incredibly tragic and I hope that I never have to endure anything like what those parents went through. But I believe that Washington's use of those parents to promote legislative change is wrong or at the very least, misplaced. I also believe, to some extent, that the families' trust in the system - at least in this regard- is also misplaced. The person that did the shooting got the guns from his Mother's home. She had lawfully purchased the weapons and registered them. Did she keep them appropriately locked up? No. But would the kind of proposed changes regarding background checks and registration prevented those guns from getting into that boy's hands? That is my problem with the "gun control" issue.
I think, at least on some level, we have to focus more on the individuals and less on the weapons in their hands. For example - were their parents around when they were growing up? Do they have social problems or mental health issues that need to be addressed? Have they spent most of their awake hours sitting in front of a video screen, playing games that feature bombs going off or people shooting each other? This is where our energy may be better focused.
I am not sure if there is a "common sense" response for the gun control question. I'll keep you posted on that one. But in the meantime, stay away from my body and get the heck out of our bedrooms!
"Quit your crying, before I give you something to cry about!" Some of you may giggle a bit when you read this, hearkening back to your childhood and possibly a parent or grandparent saying it to you. Unfortunately for me, I remember hearing it quite a bit. I also remember learning at a very young age, to tamp down those emotions and to hide my tears. I'm sure there were lots of times that I was scared of something or upset about things, but I remember being afraid to cry around my Dad. I also remember crying while watching movies and reading books. I don't think that I was over sensitive, but I think I used that as an outlet, because I was not allowed to cry about "real life." I remember in 1st grade, watching the Velveteen Rabbit in class. I was so upset that I cried (hiding behind a folder), sitting at my desk. The teacher was worried something was wrong. It is possible I was letting out emotions from something else, but I cried. (I still can't watch that movie - to this day it chokes me up.) As I got older, I stuck with that process, of crying at movies but not at real life. I don't remember crying when my Dad died (although I do remember my sister commenting on it, and Grandma Wolf telling her that it was o.k. that I wasn't crying, that we all grieve in different ways.) I remember standing at his grave site just trying to squeeze out even the smallest of tears.
While speaking to a therapist a few years ago, she commented on that and asked why I thought I never cried over things in "real life". I did not have an answer for her then and I don't have one now. I have made some progress in that area and do find myself getting choked up more for "real" things and less at books and movies. But I also still find myself trying to tamp it down, worried that someone will give me "something to cry about."
I mention this because it popped into my mind on Monday afternoon. Rob and I were walking into lunch when he asked me if I had seen the news about what was going on in Boston. Some of my family was there for the marathon and my Uncle and Cousin had run the race. He mentioned that he had heard on the radio that there had been bombs and when we got into the restaurant, they were watching the news. I immediately got choked up and worried.... and then immediately tamped it down. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, something said "this is not the time or place. Hold it together." So I did. As events of the day unfolded, I heard from my family and learned that they were o.k. and already out of the immediate race area. In watching video and news reports, I kept getting emotional and kept tamping things down. At some point, I might implode from all of the emotion I have suppressed over the past few days.
I think that it is o.k. to cry. I don't think that as parents, we should stop our children from crying, because sometimes, that is the only control over the situation that they have. We, as adults, may not understand why they are crying (recall that cute blog post from a dad, of why his 3 year old is crying), but that is their way of telling us that something in their world is not right. For little ones who can't talk, it may be the only form of communication they have (other than a giggle, of course.) So who are we, as parents, to stop them? My older daughter sometimes creates tears, when she is in trouble and thinks that she is supposed to be crying. I usually put a stop to that. But she is also sensitive and cries during parts of the Lion King, and parts of shows that might be emotional for her. I try not to make light of it, because she is still figuring out those emotions and how to express them. I also dread the teenage years and puberty, but that's a blog for another day.
In a way, I feel like my emotional growth was stunted because I was not able to cry at "life" as a kid. I am trying to keep that in mind as I wander this "adult" world, telling myself that it is o.k. to cry (even in front of other people) when something horrible and tragic has happened, or when I am upset or worried, just as much as it is o.k. to cry because the movie I am watching is sad. (And we all know that boys cry when their favorite teams win the World Series or the Stanley Cup or whatever other sporting event is on.)
So, go ahead and let it out. And let your kids cry. Unless, of course, they have been screaming for 2 hours - and then start hiccuping - and then make themselves sick because they won't calm down - and then you have to take your car to get cleaned, because they got sick all over it. But that's another story for another day too.
Those who know me well may know that I'm a Democrat, although I don't consider myself to be overly "liberal." I do have some interesting discussions with my "conservative" Republican husband, but for the most part, I remain outside of the political realm. I don't volunteer for candidates and I don't always vote party lines. I like to think of myself as a "common sense" voter. If it makes sense from a common sense perspective, I support it.
A man's right to legislate or control what I, as a woman, gets to do with my body? Doesn't make common sense. I don't support it. (Some may raise a religion-based argument against my position, but that is between me and my G-d and is nobody's business but my own.)
The government's right to tell us who can or cannot be married? Doesn't make common sense. I don't support it. We love who we love and just because it doesn't fit in someone else's definition of "love" does not mean that the government should get involved. (Some may raise a religion-based argument on this one as well, but who someone loves is between them and the person they are with and if there is any religion involved, that is between them and their G-d. Nobody else's business.)
Now.... the government's right to control gun ownership. This one, I'm not sure I can wrap my head around it. I understand the emotions behind the movement and I understand the concept, but I'm not sure that this path is the appropriate one. I will start by saying that I have not read the proposed legislation, so I cannot speak with any authority in that regard. But I do have some "life" experience to help with the common sense review of the issue. First, I do not believe that the Founding Fathers anticipated automatic weapons when they drafted the 2nd amendment. Second, I do believe that the 2nd amendment has been severely bastardized (on both sides of the aisle) to support people's views of gun ownership. Third, no matter how hard you try, you cannot legislate evil.
Someone posted something on Facebook last week which referred to prisons. Convicts do not own guns in prison and have no access to them. Yet you have to look no further than your television, to "gritty dramas" based on real life stories, to see prisoners fashioning shivs or other weapons out of tooth brushes or nail files or whatever else gets smuggled in (or brought in lawfully.) I repeat - you cannot legislate evil, and for those who are intent on causing mayhem or harming someone else, you will not be able to stop it with gun registration.
I think the NRA is a little over the top. I grew up with guns in and around the house. We lived on a farm where the nearest emergency services were at least 20 minutes away (assuming they did not hit a deer enroute.) My dad had a rifle or two which he used from time to time to chase away the latest pack of roving wild dogs, or whatever else was threatening to get too close to the house, and one uncle has told me stories about Dad standing in the back yard looking into the trees and shooting at birds (something left over from his time in Vietnam, that I will never truly understand), but largely, although we had guns around, I did not see much of them. There were handguns as well, but again, not within my reach or line of sight. I don't think that legislation such as that proposed these days, would have affected us all that much, but at the same time, I don't think that my Dad would have been overly supportive of the NRA, and I might even go so far as to say that my Dad is not someone that the NRA would be interested in having among its membership. (I could be wrong, it has happened before....maybe)
I've shot guns. I've been to several ranges and shot various hand guns and automatic rifles. Do I think that the average American citizen needs access to some of these weapons? No. Do I think that the average American citizen who does not have a criminal record, who has learned how to properly handle the weapon, has registered it, and wants it for protection should be denied access? No. Do I think that the gun control laws will prevent the "criminal element" from obtaining weapons in the event that they want to do harm to someone else? No.
The school shooting was incredibly tragic and I hope that I never have to endure anything like what those parents went through. But I believe that Washington's use of those parents to promote legislative change is wrong or at the very least, misplaced. I also believe, to some extent, that the families' trust in the system - at least in this regard- is also misplaced. The person that did the shooting got the guns from his Mother's home. She had lawfully purchased the weapons and registered them. Did she keep them appropriately locked up? No. But would the kind of proposed changes regarding background checks and registration prevented those guns from getting into that boy's hands? That is my problem with the "gun control" issue.
I think, at least on some level, we have to focus more on the individuals and less on the weapons in their hands. For example - were their parents around when they were growing up? Do they have social problems or mental health issues that need to be addressed? Have they spent most of their awake hours sitting in front of a video screen, playing games that feature bombs going off or people shooting each other? This is where our energy may be better focused.
I am not sure if there is a "common sense" response for the gun control question. I'll keep you posted on that one. But in the meantime, stay away from my body and get the heck out of our bedrooms!
"Quit your crying, before I give you something to cry about!" Some of you may giggle a bit when you read this, hearkening back to your childhood and possibly a parent or grandparent saying it to you. Unfortunately for me, I remember hearing it quite a bit. I also remember learning at a very young age, to tamp down those emotions and to hide my tears. I'm sure there were lots of times that I was scared of something or upset about things, but I remember being afraid to cry around my Dad. I also remember crying while watching movies and reading books. I don't think that I was over sensitive, but I think I used that as an outlet, because I was not allowed to cry about "real life." I remember in 1st grade, watching the Velveteen Rabbit in class. I was so upset that I cried (hiding behind a folder), sitting at my desk. The teacher was worried something was wrong. It is possible I was letting out emotions from something else, but I cried. (I still can't watch that movie - to this day it chokes me up.) As I got older, I stuck with that process, of crying at movies but not at real life. I don't remember crying when my Dad died (although I do remember my sister commenting on it, and Grandma Wolf telling her that it was o.k. that I wasn't crying, that we all grieve in different ways.) I remember standing at his grave site just trying to squeeze out even the smallest of tears.
While speaking to a therapist a few years ago, she commented on that and asked why I thought I never cried over things in "real life". I did not have an answer for her then and I don't have one now. I have made some progress in that area and do find myself getting choked up more for "real" things and less at books and movies. But I also still find myself trying to tamp it down, worried that someone will give me "something to cry about."
I mention this because it popped into my mind on Monday afternoon. Rob and I were walking into lunch when he asked me if I had seen the news about what was going on in Boston. Some of my family was there for the marathon and my Uncle and Cousin had run the race. He mentioned that he had heard on the radio that there had been bombs and when we got into the restaurant, they were watching the news. I immediately got choked up and worried.... and then immediately tamped it down. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, something said "this is not the time or place. Hold it together." So I did. As events of the day unfolded, I heard from my family and learned that they were o.k. and already out of the immediate race area. In watching video and news reports, I kept getting emotional and kept tamping things down. At some point, I might implode from all of the emotion I have suppressed over the past few days.
I think that it is o.k. to cry. I don't think that as parents, we should stop our children from crying, because sometimes, that is the only control over the situation that they have. We, as adults, may not understand why they are crying (recall that cute blog post from a dad, of why his 3 year old is crying), but that is their way of telling us that something in their world is not right. For little ones who can't talk, it may be the only form of communication they have (other than a giggle, of course.) So who are we, as parents, to stop them? My older daughter sometimes creates tears, when she is in trouble and thinks that she is supposed to be crying. I usually put a stop to that. But she is also sensitive and cries during parts of the Lion King, and parts of shows that might be emotional for her. I try not to make light of it, because she is still figuring out those emotions and how to express them. I also dread the teenage years and puberty, but that's a blog for another day.
In a way, I feel like my emotional growth was stunted because I was not able to cry at "life" as a kid. I am trying to keep that in mind as I wander this "adult" world, telling myself that it is o.k. to cry (even in front of other people) when something horrible and tragic has happened, or when I am upset or worried, just as much as it is o.k. to cry because the movie I am watching is sad. (And we all know that boys cry when their favorite teams win the World Series or the Stanley Cup or whatever other sporting event is on.)
So, go ahead and let it out. And let your kids cry. Unless, of course, they have been screaming for 2 hours - and then start hiccuping - and then make themselves sick because they won't calm down - and then you have to take your car to get cleaned, because they got sick all over it. But that's another story for another day too.
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