"Why??"

I heard about this. Friends talked about it. Family members talked about it. I knew it was coming, but I thought I might avoid it. I didn't. It got me.

"Why?"

Never has one word so dominated a vocabulary, so moved a world, so charmed a little life. She soaks it all up. She wonders aloud, she craves information. A car is backing out of the parking lot at the supermarket: "why is that car driving mommy?" A woman is walking out of the store: "why is she walking there mommy?" She asks daddy "why" all the time, and sometimes he just doesn't know what to say. She and I were at Victoria's Secret the other day and I was carrying around a purple bra. "Why are you getting that mommy?" Because Daddy likes purple. "Why does daddy like purple?" We went to a cousin's house for a party a few weekends ago. As we were driving up the street to their house: "why are we going this way daddy?" Because this is where our cousins live. "Why do they live here?" Because this is where they bought a house. "Why?"

And so it goes.

Incredibly curious, incredibly smart. Then again, I'm her Mommy, so I'm biased. But she's smart.

And let's add cute to that. We got her hair cut on Sunday. A cute little pixie cut, which I think she loves. When I woke her up this morning, while she still had sleep in her eyes, she asked me what "today" was. I said, it was Monday, and when she asked "what day is that," I responded that it was a School Day. (Her world is dominated by "Swim Day" and "tumblebees day" and "camp day" and such). Her response, still with sleep in her eyes, as she stumbled around her room, was "I'm going to go to school today and show everyone my new hair cut."

Like I said, too cute, right? I may have the quote a little off, but that's the essence of what she said. Adorable.

So, here I sit, constantly engaged by the cutest little thing on the planet, wondering where I'm going to get the answers one minute and trying to hold in my pride and love the next, as she contantly surprises me. And so it goes. And she's only two and a half. I can't imagine what three will bring. But at least, hopefully, she will be potty trained. A mom can only hope.

As the Years Go By

I laugh sometimes at how the radio or television seems to match my mood or fit right into how things are going in my life. Last night I was watching a movie that I've wanted to see (still haven't seen it all the way through), but one of the characters was talking about getting old. She said "If my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've laid under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life. Getting old ain't bad. Getting old, that's earned."

I'm not sure why, but it touched on just the right nerve at the right time, and struck me as interesting. Sometimes I feel very old, or like I've seen too much for one lifetime. But to think of it in terms of earning it, is a twist, and put's an interesting spin on things. I "earned" my bad knees by playing hoops and volleyball for years. I "earned" the scars on my knees by riding my bike around my grandparents house. I "earned" my current bruises and muscle aches by pole dancing. Makes for an interesting analysis of life, doesn't it?

I also had a laugh this morning in the car. I was on the way to take B to school, and I looked at the bumper on the car in front of me, and it said "Dance like noone is watching, Love like it's never going to hurt." Random.

Anyway, tonight we're going to the Dodger game and tomorrow I get to play catch with Jeff Kent... sort of.

Dreams and the Glory Days

I spent most of last week in San Francisco with Rob, his brother and their dad. Living a dream. They got to play a baseball game at AT&T Park (where the Giants play.) Full uniforms, umpires, everything. The only difference is that they were allowed to use aluminum bats or wood bats, if they wanted. But they were living a dream. I'm not sure about the rest of the guys on their team (various guys from the league here in LA), but they had full-blown grins on their faces the entire time. "Kid in the candy store?" you bet. And then some.

Rob said that if he got on base, no matter what, he was stealing. He was going to get dirty. After a dribbler single, he stole second. He stood up covered in Major League dirt, grinning and smiling, and not daring to wipe a bit off. After the game, he stuck some of his dirt in a little baggy to take home.

At moments, they seemed awestruck to be there, to be standing there, running there, throwing a ball there. Phil pitched and played Center, Dad caught and played Second, Rob caught and played Shortstop. They all laughed and played in the dugout, ran out on the field like the pros, and loved every minute of it.




Sometimes when I have a long day that ends at the ballpark, where Brooklyn loves to go and see Daddy play, I wonder why some of them bother. I see guys get so worked up over a bad call or a missed pitch, or a botched steal, screaming and yelling at eat other, at their teammates, the umpires and the other teams. Those days, the Bruce Springsteen song "Glory Days" plays on a track in my head, over and over. "I hope someday I don't sit around thinking about it, but I probably will." Those guys play each game like a Dodger scout is in the stands with a radar gun, ready to call them up to sign a deal. Those guys play like they are 18 instead of 38, they run the bases hell-bent on taking someone out. And I mock them.

But this wasn't like that. This was a chance to walk in the steps of the great ones, sit where they sit, hit where they hit. At times, in awe, and at times, marvelling at the fact that the field is exactly the same size as the one they play on every week - there are just more seats.

So they had fun. They lived a dream, they played in the big yard. Next time, it's my turn. I just have to figure out how to either get on the LA Sparks court or on the AVP tour. Just one game, I'd be happy.