I know that I haven't truly been counting my "mommy milestones" in order, but let's face it - so many of them pass on any given day that if I was really keeping track, I'd probably be with the hundreds of thousands by now. This one has a low number because I'm pretty sure I surpassed it with Brooklyn and I think it probably happened early on. I just don't remember it. That's another joy of motherhood, the ability to block things out and forget them completely, so that we will agree to have more children. That's the true miracle of childbirth, right there.
Before I tell you about my little milestone, now being surpassed with Kensi, I am reminded of a story that a very good friend once told me. Her little boy is a few years older than Brooklyn, so she travelled these waters before I did and charted a pretty good course for me to follow. I remember her telling me that she felt that she had "officially" earned her stripes as a mom. How did she do it? Well, the poor little guy was having trouble pooping. There seemed to be something stuck. I'll try to put this delicately, so as not to offend any one's sensibilities - but hey, the parents out there will understand.... well, she helped him out. Manually. Get it?
So why would that little story come to mind in the midst of this Mommy milestone? Yup. Because this milestone has to do with poop. Lots of poop. Now let me say that I've been crapped on in my life. I've had guys that never called after the first date and guys that said they loved me and then took out the girl from down the hall instead. I've had bosses and co-workers hang me out to dry and I've even been fired for something someone else did (Champs store, Rochester mall, 1995 - and no, I don't hold grudges... for long.) But I can honestly say, even with my lack of recall on Brooklyn's baby stages, that I have never been crapped on quite like this. You can stop reading now if you don't want the gory details. You can keep reading if you want/need another reason to laugh at or with me.
Kensi was sitting on the floor yesterday playing and got a bit red in the face. It looked like she might be pooping, but because she was happily playing, I let her go. Then I picked her up to feed her and sat her on my lap, bottle in hand. She ate most of the bottle and then stopped, looking a little stunned or confused. As the bottle had progressed, so had the smell, so as she decided that she was done eating, I put the bottle down and picked her up to confirm her status. As I lifted her off of my leg, I noticed that she slid just a bit. Generally speaking, when you are clothes-to-clothes, there isn't much sliding. I looked down and WHOA! my pant leg had poop on it! And I'm not talking about just a spot. I'm talking about full-on, sticky and very messy, greenish-brown poop. yuck.
I looked at Kensi's back and realized that she had pooped while sitting and that instead of it staying in the diaper, it had gone up her back (and on to me.) I had to put her onto the floor on her tummy to keep it from getting everywhere. I quickly cleaned myself off as best as I could and turned to assess the damage of her. While I was cleaning myself off, she had managed to kick her feet up onto her back (don't ask me how, I don't know) and her feet were now covered in poop and she was rubbing them back and forth. Fun stuff.
Oh wait... did I mention that this was all happening AT THE OFFICE? That's right folks, there was no easy fix of dumping her in the tub and tossing the clothes into the washing machine. No, I had to clean her up as best as I could with the wipes I had on hand (good thing I had brought in a new pack last week.)
Needless to say, when I finally cleaned her up as much as I could, she went into the carrier with just a diaper on. We got home and got clean clothes and then had to head right back out to get Brooklyn and take her to gymnastics. No bath yet. Then it was home for Brooklyn's swim lesson. And that's right, still no bath for Kensi. So what did I do? I did what any other stressed-out, over-worked, incredibly tired and very resourceful mother would do: I put Kensi in her bathing suit and put her in the pool, poopy toes and all. Yes, I did. Now, in my own defense, I had done a pretty good job of cleaning her off. And I'm sure that the chemicals in the pool took care of any tiny little microbe germs that might have been left on her feet, under her toenails. And by the way, the water was COLD and Kensi was not happy with me. So she didn't get in much over her knees (in her crab floaty) and then we curled up on a chair to watch Brooklyn jump in and out of the pool.
Ah, the joys of parenthood. I'm sure all of you out there who have gone through the first year with babies are laughing along with me right now, having experienced something similar with one or more of your children. Maybe there are a few of you out there who are expecting and are hoping that this doesn't happen to you. (It will, trust me, it will. It may not be poop - it might be food spit up all over you in public, or it could be a wet diaper that leaks onto you, it could even be vomit that ends up in your hair. Rest assured, it will happen to you.) The good thing is that for the few times you get pooped on or spit up on or puked on, you get thousands more hugs and kisses and smiles that light up the room. Those are the real milestones and those are the moments that keep us going and really give us the strength that we need to keep changing dirty diapers.
Until the next milestone (or kid disaster...) ;)