Two nights ago I had an amazing dream. I think I was actually smiling in my sleep. Even after the alarm came crashing into my dream, I managed to sneak back into it after hitting snooze and smiled some more. What was it? Well, it was a bit of revenge, actually.
You see, there was this guy that I dated in college. To put it mildly, he treated me like crap, ripping my heart out at least two or three times over 3 years, stomping it into oblivion and then handing the pieces back to me. Someday, I'd like to ask him "why," although I'm sure I would not get a satisfactory response. (Although he did once tell me that I was "right" and he apologized for something stupid he had done. I think the moon was misaligned that night.) But I digress!
Lo' those many years ago, in 1996, I packed my bags and moved West, to LaLa Land. I saw him just a few days before I left town and he could have cared less, I'm sure. I don't think he even wished me "good luck." For the most part, I did not care, but as with anything, there was a part of me that wished it bothered him, even just a bit, that I was leaving. Did he ever care for me? Honestly, I doubt it.
So what does this have to do with my dream? Well, I got revenge on him in my dream. How? By coming back to town with a killer body in a killer dress and looking incredibly hot. Some of my good friends who were drinking their coffee while reading this just spit it out all over their computer screens, and the ones who had been chewing a bite of their cookie or other treat just choked on it. Now they are all crying through their tears of laughter. It is not that I have low self-esteem issues or don't see myself as "hot," but I do run around in sweats a lot, with my hair pulled back in a pony-tail, so "hot" isn't often used to describe me. Anyway, I rolled into town looking great and found myself at this particular place (which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) talking to guys that I haven't seen in years and generally making him jealous. The dress was making me smile too, it was white with "Dodgers" splashed across the side, and showing just the right amount of skin.
In the real world, he is the one guy that I did not understand. I suppose you might say I continue to look for "closure," but he also happens to be the guy that once told me that there is no such thing. He could be right. On some level, there is much from those days that I need to simply let go. But it is amusing at the same time that it creeps back into my dreams from time to time. Last night's dream was about the volleyball team again, only this time I got to yell at the coach, venting a bit of my suppressed anger.
It could be that I'm creeping up on 40 with 2 little ones and starting to wistfully recall my "younger" days. It could be that my 20 year high school reunion is this summer and that has pushed thoughts of long-lost friends back to the forefront. Or it could just be that I'm nuts and the psychosis that I've managed to suppress for a few years has fought its way back to the surface. Yup, I think that's it. I'm going with the suppressed psychosis.
Until the next dreamy night....