So I have these odd recurring dreams. Every once in awhile I'm either back in high school or college, and I'm either late for class and can't find the room, or it's coming to the end of the semester and I'm realizing that I haven't been to class all semester. I start to freak out and sweat, wondering why I haven't been to class, and how I'm going to tell the teacher. I can't remember if I bought the book for the class and then can't figure out why I didn't buy the book, or why I signed up for a class I never went too. I wonder if I can still drop the class without getting a "W" (or worse, an "F") and my dream becomes fitful, and I toss and turn.
The other night, I had the dream again. I was back at my old high school, wandering the halls trying to find my next class. This time, I knew where the room was, but when I got there, the previous class had not let out yet. Friends were milling around in the halls waiting. I sat down with a friend to wait, and while talking to that friend, realized I didn't have the right book or notebook (another twist on this dream, sometimes I don't have any notes or notebooks to take notes). I got up to go to my locker before class started. It was then that I started wandering the halls again, trying to find my locker. I knew I was in the right general area, and I had a combination running through my head (which, coincidentally, I think is the combination from my high school locker). At one point, I passed my sister and asked her where my locker was, but she wasn't feeling too helpful, and told me that she couldn't help because she had to get to class. I walked around the giant square that was our hallway system (complete with a shopping center in the middle, where the senior court was supposed to be), starting to freak out, both because I thought I was going to be late for class and because I didn't have my books.
My therapist and I talked about this. Because it is a recurring dream, she thought it was interesting. I think she said it had something to do with having unfinished business in many parts of my life, feeling like I have to go back and finish things or do something over. I think she might be right, but then again, who knows. I do know that I constantly have a zillion projects to do all at once and there are never enough hours to get them all done.
In any event, as I was wandering the hall (and tossing and turning in bed), and fretting about class, my arms suddenly got tired and the stack of books I was carrying suddenly got heavier. I flipped up the notebook and the newspaper I was carrying and ... Oh MY GOSH! There were my books! I've never had them before. And yet, there they were. It was right about then that I woke up, just as I was headed back to class, books and notebooks in hand.
So I have no clue what it meant, I have no clue why this time I had the books. But I look at it as progress. This time. Maybe next time, I will have even read for class. Because I'm pretty sure I'll have this dream again. I'm pretty sure that even though I had the books, it won't be the last time I dream of school. oy.